Drinky drinky fests

If you want to get shnockered at a festival this weekend, you won't have to look far. And if you live in downtown Orlando, that's even better, I got two biggies:

Rumfest 2007 at Wall St. Plaza in downtown Orlando. Pay $20 in advance, or $25 day of for nonstop samples of daiquiris, punches, and anything you can imagine rum-related. These are one of those fests that are definitely worth it. It's Saturday from 5 p.m. - 2 a.m. and from past experience I can tell you that you should get there as early as possible.

Beertoberfest at Church Street in front of Mako's in downtown Orlando. If the Monsters from Real Radio 104.1 FM are holding court for a festival, it's going to be wild. A Miss Monster Bikini contest and $3 giant beers just seals the deal. It's $10 to get in and lasts from 4 - 10 p.m.

More Improv news

Turns out Cameron Kuhn is not incredibly worried about what he'll do with the space that The Improv once occupied. He already has something lined up for it in fact. How surprising: another high-end steak house! Because the one up the street just isn't enough for an area where the only draw for the past few years was a comedy club that brought in big-name comedians from around the U.S. But since that's gone, another steakhouse should do the trick. Yeah, right.

Here's the story on it from the Sentinel today:

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/business/orl-church0407oct04,0,6061434.story?coll=orl_tab03_layout

After writing yesterday's blog I started thinking about how many nightlife spots Kuhn has killed over the last couple of years. I'm all about the lists lately! If I'm leaving any out feel free to comment folks!

Scruffy Murphy's

Eli's Cribb

Thee Grotto

Alpha Bar

Corner Bar

Global Grape

Orlando Improv

Orlando Improv closes

According to Bob Joyce, general manager of the Tampa Improv, the Orlando Improv is closed effective immediately. Both comedy stores are under the same ownership and Joyce has been in Orlando trying to help with some of the problems the Orlando location has been having with now landlord of Church Street Station Cameron Kuhn. Joyce says they are seeking a lawsuit against Kuhn for breaches in contract, one of them being not renewing the club’s liquor license. He wouldn’t comment any further but to say an official press release will be sent out on Monday and the Orlando Improv is actively seeking a new location.

Eli's Chop Shop

For those of you who remember the days of the Dolive Building, when it actually had cool bars and shops and wasn't just an eyesore on Orange Avenue, should remember Eli Tobias.

Eli was owner of Eli's Cribb and Thee Grotto in downtown Orlando before he was forced to close so the building could stand vacant for years in downtown Orlando. But now, Eli has opened a compound of sorts in Winter Park on Fairbanks Avenue. He calls the area "Eli's Chop Shop" and it consists of Black Chapel Tattoo Studio, a mixed martial arts academy called American Combat Club and his wife's business, the Sandi Tobias Photography Studio.

It's the tattoo shop I'm really interested in, according to Eli it's "a nightclub/tattoo shop hybrid." He says the best decor from Thee Grotto is in there including the giant fish tank.

Welcome back Eli, I'll be stopping by the Black Chapel real soon.

Bombs away

I was hanging at McRaney’s Tavern the other night, celebrating Jen’s birthday, she would be one of the bartenders who work at the bar and one of the best in town.

It was the second occasion this month I’ve had a sake bomb, we ordered them for a birthday toast. Earlier in the month Jen had ordered a round for my birthday, so my wonderful fiancé Casey returned the favor for Jen.

Normally a sake bomb consists of a pint of beer and a shot of sake as illustrated in the diagram to the left. But the version we all drank that night in cheers to Jen had Sparks instead, which I actually preferred at the moment considering I was still doctoring a hangover from the night before at karaoke with the kids who dug Axl. It also makes sense because most “bomb” drinks have an energy drink in the ingredients.

I’m really not a drink “bomb” kinda gal, it’s just screams frat house party to me, but from all the “bomb” specials you see in bars and the amount of people who get them (who usually look like they’re in a fraternity), it’s obviously popular. While I was wondering this, I wondered how many bomb concoctions have been formed around this drinking trend? So when I should had been working I came up with the list below, not a lot but still more than I thought, I’ve only heard of the first two.

Sake bomb I mentioned above.

Jägerbomb: a cocktail combining one shot of Jägermeister dropped into a glass of an energy drink, usually Red Bull.

A-Bomb - a shot glass with Jägermeister dropped into a glass of Tequila mixed with Sambuca.

UniBomber - Unicum and Mountain Dew AMP Energy Drink.

Looks like whoever was behind these energy drinks’ campaigns was a genius. Damn, I’m thirsty.

This dumb, surreal, drunken American life

I feel like Ira Glass from "This American Life" with this blog today, because it comes to you in two acts. And the theme is, "What the f*** is wrong with you?"

Our first act takes place in the new Dolce Nightclub (formerly Club Paris for those of you who live in a cave). I'm not reviewing it here, but giving a slice of the evening that stood out the most. However, if you would like to read my review you can check it out here.

Back to the story, so the club is blue and green now and there is no way to get into the building from the old entrance without getting pounced by the small army of security casing the joint. That said, I entered from

Church Street

into a tunnel of smoke that rivals anything at Halloween Horror Nights at Universal. Once inside, I grabbed a drink and started people watching. Turns out the old entrance wasn't off limits to everyone, the owner walked through it into the club with about four, I'm sure what he would consider, hotties. He parked them out on the dance floor and went on his merry way.

Now, I don't know if he thought no one would notice this but of course I did. What I noticed next was pretty funny. One of the girls had a dress on that went to about the bottom of her butt cheeks. There were holes on the sides of the dress making it obvious this young las forgot to put on her knickers before heading out.

Yeah, I don't think she forgot either.

Which is fine, but what she did next just made her look like a fake ass. She goes to the stage with all her buddies hops right up and sits down on said stage. Now how the dress stayed where it did amazed me. Then her friend started taking pictures of her on the stage. Her just sitting there and completely exposed to the crowd.

I just figured the owner brought them in to get people to come out to the dance floor, because let's face it, hot girls with barely any clothes on is a good draw. It's worked for strip clubs for years. But for this girl to act surprised and shocked after she took the camera from her friend to look at her photo and see her nether regions were in the shot was just stupid. Honey, you know you had no underwear on and you're sitting legs open on a stage in a dress. What did you think would be in the picture? Other folks at the bar caught this as well and were snickering along with me. Whether she noticed or not, I have no idea, but her and her friends left there dance area shortly after. I may have been standing in the former Club Paris, but all of a sudden I couldn’t get Britney Spears out of my head. Dumbass.

This brings us to Act II, karaoke last night at the Lucky Leprechaun Pub on I-Drive. As much as I know I-Drive is a family-friendly tourist trap, it still shocked me upon arrival to the pub that kids were running around inside. I’m sure the folks from

Europe

have their internal clocks way off, so the fact that it was 10 at night didn’t bother me too much.

I was sitting in the back with all of my friends talking about what song we were going to sing next when I saw the monitor in front of me state some guy and gal were about to sing “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses. My inner hair-rawker got excited and turned around to face the stage.

And that was when I saw who was going to sing this song about living on the streets in a strange city. It was no guy or gal but a little boy and little girl about the ages of 9 and 6 if I had to guess. Excessive drinking has wiped their names clean from my memory bank, so let’s call them Hansel and Gretel.

“I don’t think this is what Axl Rose had in mind when he wrote this,” said one of my friends. But you couldn’t help but watch. And where the hell the parents were was anyone’s guess. Whether young Hansel was really trying to channel Axl’s rage with his up and down movements or was trying to get himself high enough to reach the top of the mic stand is anybody’s guess.

But the best was when Hansel bellowed out the lyrics like a young Peter Brady, “YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE…?” In which I cut him off and said, “In a bar, with a lot of drunk adults singing Guns N’ Roses children.”

Just when you think you have seen everything, there’s always something that slips in the back door.

Will's returns -- for real

Will's Pub is coming back to not only Orlando, but Mills Avenue. Here's an excerpt from my column that is running in the Orlando Sentinel this Friday about it:

"I may not have come back with a dime from Vegas last week, but I felt like I hit the jackpot when I got home that night and found out Will Walker has found a new space for Will’s Pub. Better news is it’s on Mills Avenue in Orlando, not far from where the old place once stood, but closer to the Wally’s, Uncle Lou’s, Paradise and Peacock Room end of the action.

According to Walker, the space is roughly the same size as the old pub with three rooms instead of two. You should see the opening of the bar at 1040 N. Mills Ave. in the next month or two."

Monkey business

Hey folks, looks like the Drunken Monkey Coffee Bar will be opening its doors to the public tomorrow night (that would be Sept. 26) from 7 - 10 p.m. for its grand opening. I've driven by the place quite a few times during the remodeling of the spot on 444 N. Bumby Ave. and I'm curious what it looks like on the inside. Like I said in a previous blog, the monkey isn't getting drunk on alcohol, but there will be lots of coffee beverages along with soups, desserts and other items.

But if it's a stiff drink you want, no one pours them stiffer than Wally's on 1001 N. Mills Ave. The bar just called me a few minutes ago to let me know every Monday they offer Monday Martini Madness from open to close with $4.50 call brand martinis. And with the way Wally's pours that's probably the best deal in town. I just suggest you cut yourself off after two or three or you gonna be in trouble.

Full-service dining

I had to spotlight this reader review I read earlier today on the site for Matthew Steaks & More in Ocoee. It turns out the restaurant has another idea of what the "More" means in its name.

"A few years ago I took my wife out for a nice dinner at Matthew's Steaks and MORE. (See review Sept 20, 2004) Matthew actually served us. Several months later Matthew slept with my wife and broke up our marriage. I don't recommend this place."

Keep the reviews coming folks.

Monday night DJ duel

Funny thing is this Monday we have some famous DJs playing in Orlando, however, they're not really famous for the DJing.

The first one I told you about last week, the absurdity that is Tommy Lee DJing at Blue Martini on Monday night should be a show stopper. But the hottie that is turning up at Bliss Lounge that same night should also draw a big crowd. Jesse Metcalfe of "Desperate Housewives" and "John Tucker Must Die" fame will be hosting "Pure Bliss" at the club in downtown Orlando from 10 p.m. - 2 a.m.

Decisions, decisions... I guess I'll just have to split my time between the two boys.

So I'm hearing not so nice things about Dolce in downtown Orlando from you folks. Everything from it looks the same with new paint to the nurse shark and tropical fish need a bigger tank and clean water to Fred Khalilian will be out of business in about three months. I haven't been by, that's the plan for this weekend so I haven't formed an opinion yet. But you'll definitely hear my weigh-in on Monday.